Sometimes it's really difficult to think up a really witty and hilarious title for a post but as this is a blog and this particular post is about Kellogg's, I have succeeded massively with Kelbloggs. It works and it can't be denied.
A while back I purchased a pack of Kellogg's Coco Pops Moons and Stars. I'm not sure exactly what I expected of this cereal but I found myself left disappointed. Not with the taste mind, they were satisfactory...but with the size of the individual pieces. Tiny.
Angry, I fired off an email to Kellogg's. Which was ignored. Angrier, I fired off a letter to Kellogg's which was ignored for a month or so.
Dear Kellogg’s.I wish I was writing to you on the subject of something happier but I am afraid I have a complaint with a product. The product in question is the cereal, Coco Pops Moon & Stars.I must stress that my problem is not with the taste, it is more to do with the size of the supposed moon and stars.As an esteemed Astronomer, this box of cereal jumped out at me down the cereal aisle of my local supermarket. A cereal containing my two favourite things, I could scarcely believe my luck. I decided I wanted to try them as soon as possible so just left my trolley of groceries blocking an aisle and ran to the self scan checkout.I couldn’t even wait until home. I ripped into the cereal box with abandon fury while sat in the supermarket trolley bay. Hands trembling, I tore the cellophane and slipped inside.I recoiled in horror at what I pulled out. These supposed moon and stars were out of proportion. Not just slightly, hideously. Even an untrained eye could see this.I’ve rounded these figures to make things easier (after all, this is my spare time) but I think it shows just how wrong Kellogg’s have got it.The diameter of the Moon – 3500km.The diameter of the average star – 1280000km.Therefore the moon is around 365 times smaller than the average star.The diameter of a Kellogg’s Moon – 15mm.The diameter of a Kellogg’s star – 20 mm.Kellogg’s have got it right that a star is bigger than the moon but I feel it is a disgrace that Kellogg’s have not got the proportions correct.Taking this into account, I believe that if Kellogg’s are going to continue making the star 20mm, the moon that accompanies should be around 0.054mm. Anything else is just insulting Astronomers like me and also confusing our nations children. It depresses me to think that kids, after eating this cereal are living their lives believing that the moon is only 5 millimetres smaller than a star.I implore Kellogg’s to sort this matter out. Anything else is just letting down our nations future.I appreciate any reply.Thank youDean Pascoe.
As this matter was cruelly ignored by Kellogg's for around four months, I was getting ready to picket the factory. That was until I realised it was north of the Tamar and would require vaccinations and a period in quarantine to cross. Lucky for me, Kellogg's finally responded to the serious amount of pressure I was putting on them and a letter dropped through my door.
Click to enlarge, esse.
As they have taken my comments on board, I look forwards to more realistic proportions very soon. With a larger box. I will spend the £3 on another box of cereal that I hopefully will not find fault with.